I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
