Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
