I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
