That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
