He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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