I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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