please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
