***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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