No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
