Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
