i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
