but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
