K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
