I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
