she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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