i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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