So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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