Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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