Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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