How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
