I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
