it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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