my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
