my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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