sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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