were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
