The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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