I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
