Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
