p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
