The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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