there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
