jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
