are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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