My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
