I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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