I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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