the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
