Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
