I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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