just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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