sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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