I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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