apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
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i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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