dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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