Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
