if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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