remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
