im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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