tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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