I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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