between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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