my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How naked do you want me to be?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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