Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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