I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
