Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
