I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
