i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
