you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
