then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
