I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dear god my vagina.
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