tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
