just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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