Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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